by Eva van Loon

It’s such a little word to cause so much confusion!

In both Englese and Standard English, its and it’s sound identical and are used in the same way in daily speech. You’d never know there’s a problem.

When it’s written, however, it’s apparent that Englese doesn’t know what to do with that little tick of ink called an apostrophe (a-posst-roe-fee). Sometimes it’s there; sometimes it isn’t. When you reflect that Englese is still more a spoken than written language, this is understandable: if an apostrophe makes no difference to one’s speech, why bother with it on paper?

On the other hand, I’m mystified why Englese often inserts an apostrophe to denote a plural, like this: Grab the bargain’s! Our special’s rock. Yuck. What a mess!

It might be a great idea to dump the apostrophe altogether after its long and illustrious grammatical career. Standard English isn’t likely to dispense with the apostrophe soon, however. So, let’s figure out where this pesky apostrophe comes from.

There’s a slew of apostrophes in this column—eleven so far. Check ’em out: in every case, the apostrophe stands for something missing: it is, you would, let us, there is, is not, let us. This, Standard English calls a contraction.

Even a dog’s tail originally, many years ago, was a dog his tail. Now the apostrophe-s construction (or sometimes just the apostrophe) is used wherever a Standard-English writer indicates something belonging to another thing or person.

The Standard-English rule is this: use the apostrophe for contractions and possessives. NEVER plurals!

Try eliminating the pesky apostrophe from these samples. What can we get away with before meaning is muddled?

Englese / Standard English
It’s/its okay to pat it’s/its head. / It’s okay to pat its head.
The lady’s/ladys purse isn’t/isn’t lost. / The lady’s purse isn’t lost.
The ladies/ladie’s left town. / The ladies left town.
The ladies purses/purse’s weren’t found. / The ladies’ purses weren’t found.
A dog’s/dogs tail is its/it’s best feature. A dog’s tail is its best feature.
I’d/Id know its/it’s tracks anywhere. / I’d know its tracks anywhere.
Youd/you’d like two dessert’s/desserts. / You’d like two desserts.
We’ll/well rock round the clock. / We’ll rock ‘round the clock.